so I could cry.
Reminiscence is a prick, but for an overthinker its just another thorn in the hedge.
What did I cry about?
Well just before I was about to make coffee, I was thinking about the only girl I ever wrote about. How she was last person I hugged. I remembered the first time she hugged, and the last. I still hold the phantom of that moment within my arms. The weight of it. The torment of it absence. The hollow of space carved right out of me, between my arms. Soemthing that was never mine. I never had a chance, not even one to ruin it.
I used to have this thought when I first hugged her. As I breathed in as we hugged, I thought may be I breathed in a part of her. Her scent or even the same air as she breathed out. Now its part of me. A part of her in me. I’m now the Ship of Theseus set on its first sail. A activated radioactive element set in that decays every moment with its own half-life. I wish I could hold on to that final atom of that breath, as long as I could before I’m completely rebuilt. Before I’m completely destroyed.
This was the first time. But then I met you for the last.
Funny thing about elmental half-life it never decays completely. It just goes on to be infinitely small. But in reality, a molecule could even break into an atom. But what if the final atom reached its end of half-life. Have you heard of splitting atoms? It powers cities. Or destroys them.